When 2013 started, I decided that I had good feelings about 2013. I decided that i was going to make sure those good feelings happened by pushing my tendency to PROCRASTINATE ALL THE THINGS! aside and be active in making moves to change the things I wanted changed, because while there are a lot of things you can wait around and drag your feet about, ensuring positive change in your life is not one of them. And so I did, what with the exercise and the glutens and all that, and some other things that I have not written about here because the Internet is everywhere, forever and maybe some things don’t need to go up on it, etc. etc. ANYWAY. I also felt like good things were going to happen in 2013 because I kicked it off by traveling to LA for the very first time, and I love travel, and perhaps it would be a year of travel.
And it has been. Not only did I go to LA for the first time, but then I went for the second time, and I’ll be going for the third time very soon, all in the space of one year (and I may even go a fourth time if I make New Years in LA a Thing). I went to Israel. I went on my very first business trip, to Dallas. I went to lots of driving-distance places for lots of weddings. And I loved it all. BUT (here’s the but you knew was coming since I started this post), so much of it piled on top of each other has led to me truly understanding what too much of a good thing really means, beyond eating too much cake. In the past five weeks I have gotten to spend exactly one weekend sleeping at my apartment the whole time, doing whatever I wanted the whole time. I’ve been gone at least one weekend every month all year. I kind of feel like all I do lately is pack and unpack suitcases. Even my love of making packing lists has started to lose its appeal; I’ve been reusing lists, which I never do, because I like making them so much.
I am not complaining about all this, exactly. I have truly loved every place I’ve been to in 2013, I have truly loved celebrating every marriage, I have truly loved all the new people I have met along the way. I am so, so grateful to be so fortunate to be able to do all of this. I am, quite simply, tired. Ever since I went to Blissdom in March and listened to a talk about introverts and extroverts, it’s become clear to me that I’m not quite a textbook extrovert. I need quiet time. I do love to be doing things and be surrounded by at least one other person 90 percent of the time, that is absolutely true. But I need time to myself, to not be doing anything but whatever it is I want to do alone, whether that’s a good walk around New York or watching TV or reading a book, and travel has been getting in the way of that. I guess my next active betterment changes project for 2013 needs to be making sure I find that time within the traveling, because I do still want to maybe go to LA for New Years again, and I do want to visit Torie in Chicago this year, and when I make this third trip to LA I am getting there early so I can see friends, and I do still want to have new experiences and try new things and meet new people and continue to take advantage of all the opportunities I am so very lucky to have. I just need to be able to find the best way to do it all for me.
I really wish there had been a class in college about how to be a proper grownup, because I have no idea. But, I guess no one else does either.
Lest I leave you on a complete Debbie Downer note, here is a photo of a sign I saw last weekend, which I thought was hilarious until I got to the beach and saw that the ocean was LITERALLY MADE OF SEAWEED. Get well soon, ocean.